I Run in the Dark.

I jog, my path dimly lit by the luminous glow of the lamps on my right. I feel a cold breeze coming in from the ocean on my left. A haunting silence persists, disrupted only by the sound of my footsteps. I feel a euphoric sense of freedom seeing the track unusually empty and allow my mind to wander. I think about myself, analyzing my life, trying to figure out just where I'd end up. I wonder whether I would ever find lasting satisfaction or whether my life would continue to be marked by this complete lack of purpose. The thoughts in my head frustrate me because my worries aren't real. I know the source and solution of all of my problems lies within my own skull but I don't know how to be happy. My sense of euphoria quickly turns into a river of confusion. The thoughts in my head spin around in my brain and in my state of bewilderment; the only thing that makes sense is to jog faster. I run as fast as I can. I imagine myself running away from everything and everyone. I think 'If I jog fast enough, the thoughts in my head won't reach me,' but that's not how it works. My mind goes to this cold dark place whenever I give it the slightest opportunity to think.

I run till my lungs are on the verge of bursting and I can no longer feel my legs. I take a seat on a nearby bench, gasping for breath. I observe a child, crying at the top of his lungs, clinging onto his mother chest. The mother holds the child tightly and the child's loud cry fades into a light murmur. The mother makes everything better and I wanted nothing more than for someone to hold me and make everything better.

I rush home, craving the warmth of my mother's embrace and the touch of her soft fingers on my back. I am convinced that she can fix everything. I arrive home and run into her room only to be met by an accusatory 'Agae?' (You're back?) My heart drops in disappointment. I don't bother responding to her pointless queries and go straight to my room, slam the door shut and lay on my bed, haggard, frustrated and angry. I haven't slept in days due to my perpetual insomnia but my blood shot eyes instantly close when my head hits the bed and I fall asleep tangled in my emotions.

I've always had trouble sleeping for long periods of time and am surprised to wake up late the next morning. Although only a few drops of rain fell from the sky, the morning was as peaceful as the morning after a storm. I recall what had happened and can't help but chuckle at my own craziness. I dub the events of the night before as symbolic of my life. I'm quite literally running away from everything and everyone. In a month’s time, I'll be living in another city, beginning my first year of college and searching for the answers to the questions screwing with my head. I dream of red brick walls covered in a sheet of ivy. I'm finally excited.